I don’t know what I want, but I know what I can’t have.
I don’t care anymore that we could never be together and I’m actually quite content with myself. Too content. Content to the point of boredom and loneliness. And maybe I brought that upon myself, I don’t know. But this isn’t another blog dedicated to you or my memories of you. It may have broken my heart to say this months or weeks ago, but my heart has already healed. I’m over you. It’s done and I’m extremely glad I’m moving on, for you have already done so. I always was the late bloomer.
Getting back on track, I’m just extremely bored. Bored with my life. I feel like day-by-day is wasted away. I have absolutely no social life and that is the one thing I am not content with. I need a distraction, not from the nonexistent pain in my heart, but from my mind. My mind that wonders and ponders upon the subject of you and me. Which occasionally slips through the cracks and causes me to spend my nights wondering what I could have done to fix it. Fix me. Fix you. Fix us.
But that was never an option. This was just one of the experiences to learn from. As I sit here in my big white comfy, pillow-y bed in my mix-matched kitten pj’s, sipping tea and listening to the rain trickle outside I think of you. Hopefully this will be the last time I will write about you, and bore myself to death with the endless possibility of cliche endings to this story, boy meets girl. This is not what I need. I don’t need you anymore.
But to cure my boredom/cabin fever I need someone. That sounds awfully selfish of me and I’m sure I am being perfectly conceited. I want someone, but no one like you. Someone averagely academic, borderline dorky, who plays Mario Kart and who thinks vinyl is ‘the shit’. I don’t want someone extremely gorgeous, in fact almost the opposite. He doesn’t have to be strong or muscle-y because that’s just gross for a teenage boy. He can be tall, lanky, dark eyes, long-ish hair, sympathetic, and doesn’t even need to have experience with girls. Am I asking for too much here?
Now-a-days I guess I am. Any boy, attractive or not, is too egotistical to be in a relationship and thinks he knows everything about girls and exactly what they want. But the thing is girls want different things and guys like that are jerks. I may be picky but am I reaching for the stars here?
