Rosemary Paige's Blog

the starving artist

rosemarypaige — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 09:42:22 +0000

Sometimes when I start these posts I try to talk inspiration into myself. It’s like a pep talk and I try to be witty and quick and it doesn’t come all that easy. Most of the time I don’t even know what the hell I’m talking about which makes for a very abstract painting. Hey! Everyone loves a starving artist. I usually don’t slept or bathe for days and scarcely eat but a piece of bread for every meal when I’m inspired. Yes, I get most of my “artistic” work done while living like a hobo. I haven’t been inspired in weeks and I’m not inspired right now and it’s slowly killing me, bleeding me dry and that probably sounds completely crazy. Why in the world would you want to be in the state of a homeless person just to be inspired? Because right now I am starved of inspiration and deprived of words. My thoughts are blank and my mind is scribbles and nothing flows. I probably won’t be able to write more than a paragraph for this post and right now the only thing that is keeping me with this “starving artist” theme is the fact that I haven’t eaten since 6:00pm yesterday, and it’s now 5:19am. Sometimes I’m just not inspired enough to compose and frankly I’d rather have a nice meal and bathe.

I’m sorry this is a brain dump. My mind is overloaded with stuff that obviously isn’t inspiring me. I think I’ll take a break from the internet for a week or two. I have a couple books I need to finish.

Book List:

The Tao Of Pooh
My Forbidden Face
Atonement

That’s all that I can remember off the top of my head. To see what I’ve been listening to lately check out my last.fm profile here. I wonder how many times I said inspired, but lets face it, I’m not exactly animated, inspirited, energized, or exhilarated when I look like a homeless person. Who would be?

-Rosemary Paige

10 o’clock poetry

rosemarypaige — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 14:20:46 +0000

, originally uploaded by mariano karlen.

haiku’s are easy
insert a season word here
see, I told you so.

Schools out… I guess you could say that. But seeing as though I’ve got my online summer class you could say that I’m not quite ‘out’. Lately I’ve hit a writing block, both musically and journalistic- wise… Make that an artistic block ..I’m having trouble maintaining the urge to pick up a guitar. I guess I’ve just gotten lazy. Oh well, that’s what kinda-summers are for. But I am still maintaining my interest in photography which is good but I’m just ruining out of subjects/good composition. I don’t know. I feel like I’m going crazy.

Careless vs. Carefree

rosemarypaige — Mon, 03 May 2010 05:37:16 +0000

Lately I’ve been feeling pretty controlling. I must have control of everything. Especially my weight. I’ve been practically killing myself. I wish I could be carefree about everything. I’m just so scared that my life is going to start spiraling out of control. It’s super hot in my place right now which is causing me to have huge headaches and making me want to throw up. I’ve almost felt like vomiting it all out. Especially after eating Taco Bell or Burger King. I haven’t yet, and I’m going to try and keep it that way. Next time I’ll just think about how much I’m going to want to throw up afterwards and how much I’ll hate myself and then not eat it. I’ll pinch my bulging leg fat and move on. The weekends kill me though. I can usually control my diet throughout the week but when it gets to the weekend I blow it all. I hate my thighs.They’re the grossest feature about my body; besides my huge hips. I’m dreading bathing suit season so I need to start going to the gym. That’ll make this diet more effective.

I know I’ve got issues.

I’ve been listening to:

The Smiths
The Cure
The Helio Sequence

I’ve probably been listening to more; I just can’t think right now.

-Rosemary Paige

Boys, boys, boys.

rosemarypaige — Sat, 01 May 2010 00:49:14 +0000

Why is it that 99% of the boys I’d date are at least three years older than me. The thing is I’m not talking about movie stars or super-models here. I’m talking about decent, attractive, funny, nice, boy-friend material guys. I mean, where are they? Age is just a number in my book, unless you’re a pedophile, and I’m already way ahead of my years. I’ve got a level-head. I know right from wrong. I’m human and I need to be loved. Right now I’d kill to be in love, and in a mildly boring, but decent relationship. But maybe that’s why I can’t find a guy my age. All of those guys aren’t stable enough for my unstable self and I’m not looking for an on-off, drama filled fuck fest. It kills me. It’s not me, it’s them. I’m completely open to a relationship. But it’s everyone else that seems to have problems. I don’t think they can handle me and my unearthly desire to not cause drama. So I’m left here “working on myself emotionally” until these guys can grow up or I decide to take a risk.

Excuse my horrible writing. I’m just getting back into this.

-Rosemary Paige

I Can Talk

rosemarypaige — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 20:41:50 +0000

, originally uploaded by nikolinelr.

When I woke up this morning everything was black and white. It seemed like some old 50′s television show. Although it was more Twilight Zone than I Love Lucy at first, as the day progressed it got better and better like black and white to color. The day seemed slow at first but flew by like a hummingbird. Today was good and I am content with myself as well with my decent effort today. Not much homework but my mind is busy and terribly hectic. I finally have almost everything under control and I’d like to keep it that way for a while. Sorry about this horribly written post but it seems like my life has settled down enough for me to pick up writing again and my mind now can wonder freely knowing that I’ll have the time to write some of it down. Plus it’ll be spring break in a few days so I’ll have a lovely week off of this hell we call school. Anyway I’m just ready to not have to work for a whole week. I’m ready for summer, the beach, sand, blue sky, puffy marshmallow clouds, and the sun.

I’ll probably post another post today/tonight because my mind is wild with new ideas.

-Rosemary Paige

I’m just consistently inconsistent.

rosemarypaige — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 05:50:24 +0000

It seem like my life has recently been flipped upside down. It seems like everything has been in my favor. We recently started talking again, and spilled our guts to each other. But I’m now over you and I need to seriously move on. I’m sure we’ll still be wonderful friends. You were right when you said we were wrong for each other. I get it now, I completely understand. I need to focus on my life right now because I’ve got more important things going on and you’re not my priority. I’m just going to face it, I’m concentrating on my future and as of right now you’re not included.

It’s been a rough week.

my tumblr
my formspring.me

-Rosemary Paige

music monday [2.8.10]

rosemarypaige — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 03:57:54 +0000

They’re back! Even though I’m exhausted from drivers ed this afternoon I decided I would at least take a break fromprocrastinating homework to give you a little heads up on what I’ve been listening to. Honestly, I don’t know how much of the missed Mondays I can make-up. But I this I’m going to just post some pretty awesome bands. So what I’ve been listening to consists of:

The Cure
Them Crooked Vultures
The Virgins
Ima Robot
Hot Hot Heat
The Clash
OK Go
The Cars

Some oldies and some indies.

-Rosemary Paige

I don’t know what I want, but I know what I can’t have.

rosemarypaige — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 06:48:50 +0000

I don’t care anymore that we could never be together and I’m actually quite content with myself. Too content. Content to the point of boredom and loneliness. And maybe I brought that upon myself, I don’t know. But this isn’t another blog dedicated to you or my memories of you. It may have broken my heart to say this months or weeks ago, but my heart has already healed. I’m over you. It’s done and I’m extremely glad I’m moving on, for you have already done so. I always was the late bloomer.

Getting back on track, I’m just extremely bored. Bored with my life. I feel like day-by-day is wasted away. I have absolutely no social life and that is the one thing I am not content with. I need a distraction, not from the nonexistent pain in my heart, but from my mind. My mind that wonders and ponders upon the subject of you and me. Which occasionally slips through the cracks and causes me to spend my nights wondering what I could have done to fix it. Fix me. Fix you. Fix us.

But that was never an option. This was just one of the experiences to learn from. As I sit here in my big white comfy, pillow-y bed in my mix-matched kitten pj’s, sipping tea and listening to the rain trickle outside I think of you. Hopefully this will be the last time I will write about you, and bore myself to death with the endless possibility of cliche endings to this story, boy meets girl. This is not what I need. I don’t need you anymore.

But to cure my boredom/cabin fever I need someone. That sounds awfully selfish of me and I’m sure I am being perfectly conceited. I want someone, but no one like you. Someone averagely academic, borderline dorky, who plays Mario Kart and who thinks vinyl is ‘the shit’. I don’t want someone extremely gorgeous, in fact almost the opposite. He doesn’t have to be strong or muscle-y because that’s just gross for a teenage boy. He can be tall, lanky, dark eyes, long-ish hair, sympathetic, and doesn’t even need to have experience with girls. Am I asking for too much here?

Now-a-days I guess I am. Any boy, attractive or not, is too egotistical to be in a relationship and thinks he knows everything about girls and exactly what they want. But the thing is girls want different things and guys like that are jerks. I may be picky but am I reaching for the stars here?

Best of Strangers

rosemarypaige — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 10:30:46 +0000

Have I really changed that much? It seems like everyone I’ve known has mentioned it to me. I thought I was supposed to know myself best. But everyone thinks they’ve figured me out. Which makes me what? An aimlessly simple-minded person. I know I keep saying this but I wish everything was back to the way it was before. When I didn’t know much. When I played the world by ear. No one knew anyone, and it was just fine that way. That was the way I liked it. Close as can be. I liked it when we were the best of strangers. Perfectly flawed. But now I know you, and I miss you more than anything. Sometimes I’ll stay awake at night thinking about what it would be like to see you again. I get nervous when I drive by your neighborhood, scared if I’ll see your face and what to say if I were to ever run into you. I get a sense of hope that I will see you this time and then it’s all washed away when I don’t see you. I miss you. Everything about you. Your voice, your face, the way you smelled, the way your hair turns into curls at the ends, your music taste, your hands, our all-nighters, the way you would show up at my house without calling; suprising me everytime. I love everything about you. I hate how everything ended.

rosemarypaige — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 00:50:25 +0000

Rosemary Paige- We’re Going To Be Friends (Cover)